by Olivia Green | WeINSPIRE Reporter

HERCULES, Ca. — Community is fundamentally important. Most of us search for a place to belong. According to the Journal of Psychiatry and Neuroscience, human beings are inherently social creatures; therefore, finding spaces where we feel safe and accepted are necessary to our happiness. Unfortunately, such spaces are not easy to come by for all of us, but Ricardo Hartley III and his mother, Roshunda Dixon, are doing their part to change that for the LGBTQIA+ community.

Growing up in Georgia, raised by a single mother, Hartley always knew he was different. He didn’t fit into the stereotype of a southern, Black, Baptist, boy and when his mother put him in football, he focused on doing cartwheels on the field instead. It was clear to Dixon that her son was attempting to express himself in other ways. “I was a very weird child in a sense,” said Hartley, “but my mom always nurtured that and let me express myself.” 

When he was 13, Hartley found dance. Performance through the art of dance was the medium he needed to express himself. He began to work through questions about his identity, sexuality, and place in the world, but despite the support he had from his mom, it wasn’t easy. When Hartley came out, Dixon had to deal with her own conflicting emotions about her son. Her unmatched love for him, combined with fear and messaging from her Southern Baptist background, created a dissonance. “I don’t want people to discriminate against you,” Dixon said. “You’re already a Black man, and now you’re going to be a gay, Black man. What does that look like for you? I was filled with fear instead of my first reaction being love.”

While Hartley had to go through his process of self-discovery, his mother simultaneously went through her own process of acceptance both of herself and her child. Initially, Dixon remembers having to work through her feelings of shame and self-deprecating thoughts. It took intentional affirmations, journaling, and deep reflection for her feelings to evolve. “The evolution in that for me as a mom, a Christian, and even as a sister and a daughter is that love is love!” Dixon said. “That is still my son regardless of who he loves. I taught him love, so how in the world can I, or anyone else, dictate who he gives it to?”

A powerful turning point in Dixon’s journey happened when she told her grandmother about Hartley’s coming out. “When I sat her down and told her that Ricardo was gay, my grandmother said, ‘And? That is still my grandbaby.’” The notoriously religious, Southern woman in her 90s  could not have been less concerned with her grandson’s sexuality. Dixon wanted to emulate her grandmother’s unconditional love, and ultimately, she did. 

Hartley has found his place in the world. He said, “I’m redefining my masculinity and what it means to be southern.” Now a senior dancer at The Juilliard School, he is doing what he loves while living confidently in who he is, but he desires to use his platform to uplift others who have gone through similar struggles.

“In my self-discovery, I was lacking something I could hold on to express all of what I was going through in my journey,” Hartley said. 

Dixon remembers scouring the internet and book stores years ago in an attempt to find resources that were catered towards her son’s experience.  He desired a tool and a space where he could be all of himself at once: fully gay, fully southern, and fully Black all at the same time. Years later, Hartley and Dixon have found a way to create this safe space for other queer people with their co-creation of the Adoration of the Queer Mind self-help journal, set to be released mid-spring.

“There are all of these self-help and mental health journals out there that are there for people but are not dedicated to my experience and my community’s experiences,” said Hartley referring to the queer experience, but through the Adoration of the Queer Mind Instagram page, it is clear that people are already responding to the safe space that Hartley and Dixon are creating. One Instagram commenter wrote, “This means a lot to me because I've been really fearful about medically transitioning, and all of these "what if" scenarios. I've been out (not without struggles) as a trans man for almost a decade now, so this is my sign that it's the right step for me. Thank you!” 

The journal itself will contain captivating visuals, writing prompts, poems written by Hartley, and personal stories given by other LGBTQIA+ individuals. “This journal really encompasses all that I’m passionate about,” said Hartley. “I’m passionate about activism. I’m passionate about my writing. I’m passionate about mental health awareness and art in general.”

Most of all, Hartley wants people to remember to “keep going,” he said. “That’s one line that sticks to me all the time. If you look at my past and see where I am now, the trajectory doesn’t make any sense because you wouldn’t think that this little boy who grew up in the south is now a senior at Julliard, creating a journal, and is openly gay and openly expressing himself. So just, please keep going.” Dixion echoes this, saying, “It’s okay to have these emotions and these feelings, and that’s why we write them out. Just keep going because on the other side, there is this beauty of loving you.”

To the parents who may struggle to be proud of their LGBTQIA+ children, “Remember that that is the same child you saw take their first steps, that you heard say mommy and daddy for the first time, that you held in your arms,” Dixon said. “You have to go back to that love because that love you had for them was not conditional on whether they were gay or not. You just wanted them to be good people. Go back to that because they are still our children.” And ultimately, “their fear of coming out is so much worse than what we’re feeling.”

The Adoration of the Queer Mind Journal will be available for purchase on May 1st! To learn more about the journal and where to get a copy, check out their Instagram.